babies were throwing up all over the place
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
