I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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