i don't like sucking hair
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
