I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
