Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
