This house was built for laser tag.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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