They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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