your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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