and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
