when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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