Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
