I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
