He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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