she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
