when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
