he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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