Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
