...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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