I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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