what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need a beard to bite.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
