I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
zippers are such a cool invention
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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