Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
