I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
