I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
