I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
