a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
