Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
