just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
