I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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