hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
