if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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