I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
