Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
