then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
