I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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