I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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