my soul wont recognize me after tonight
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
