FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
