i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
