I just pynch a tree in the face
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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