i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
