I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Every concussion has its silver lining
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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