it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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