So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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