I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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