He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
