there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
