I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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