i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
