dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
