Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
