your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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