dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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