well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
